community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
