broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
