I hope mine doesn't look like that
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
