on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
