His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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