We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
