I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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