Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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