I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
