you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
