tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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