I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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