I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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