Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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