you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize