i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
