i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
