I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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