i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
