Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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