I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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