you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
