Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
