Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
