I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
