Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
