I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize