That's when you crack a 10am beer
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
