ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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