if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
