sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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