Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
