I hate all girls vehemently.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
