she woke up with a sticky ear
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
