The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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