This house was built for laser tag.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
