Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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