I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
