my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
