Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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