I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
