Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He shit in the fireplace
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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