the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
