here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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