do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize