based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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