11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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