How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
