the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
