I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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