the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
