Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
