i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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