i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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