The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Threesome in a minivan. New low
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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