I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize