Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
