I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize