you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
