u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
