i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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