Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
