I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
