so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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