barbara walters just said penis...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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