Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
