so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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