just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
