Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just gargled with NyQuil
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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