im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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