is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
