I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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