their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
