last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Every concussion has its silver lining
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
