At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
