I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Btw I puked in your glovebox
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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