i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
