Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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