This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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