The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
