i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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