Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
