I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
